By Ven. Chönyi Taylor

Without understanding how your inner nature evolves, how can you possibly discover eternal happiness? Where is eternal happiness? It’s not in the sky or in the jungle; you won’t find it in the air or under the ground. Everlasting happiness is within you, within your psyche, your consciousness, your mind. That’s why it is so important that you investigate the nature of your own mind. – Lama Yeshe¹

According to the teachings, we need at least six months’ retreat on calm abiding if we want to attain that yogic perception called “direct realization of emptiness.” That is difficult. I’m not referring so much to the realization, which is hard enough, but to the logistics of organizing the retreat. There is a huge quantity of conditions that need to come together. There are countless demands on monks and nuns, and even more on lay students. What to do? Lots.

I am a nun, but I am not that far removed from the demands of lay life that I have forgotten what it is like to be a mother. My resident granddaughter keeps reminding me. I wake to the phone. It is 6:30 a.m. and she is staying with a friend. “Nanni, I want to come home ’cos I’m not sleeping well here.” I go to collect her as the sun begins to move above the horizon. My mind is still in a fog, and so are the valleys. The cows are grazing with seemingly amputated legs. It is going to be a hot day. Grace collapses in her own bed. I have a blog to write. Conditions are hardly conducive to single-pointed concentration.

So how can we ever attain enlightenment? We read the arguments about the non-existence of the false view of self, that is, about emptiness. OK. So what? I have this false projection of who I am, but what does that mean to a simple student like me? Knowing that is not making me happy unless I am the best debater in the class. Lama Yeshe says that Buddhism is a profound psychology. What did he mean and what has psychology to do with enlightenment?

The answer is quite simple. Every time I get agitated about something, it is because I am once again trapped in this wrong view. It does not matter whether I know this or not. It does not matter whether I have been able to follow the logic or not. Every time I become agitated, self-pitying, depressed, angry, jealous or any one of the countless variations of such emotions, then I am behaving as if that false self is me. This is very convenient. It means that every time I fail, or get sick, or I cannot get to teachings, or go on retreat, or be noticed by the teacher, or follow the teachings … each of these “obstacles” are really my personal teachings on emptiness.

How about that? Teachings on emptiness specifically designed for me and my limitations. How lucky can I be? Teachings just for me. What an amazing opportunity. And to benefit from these teachings, all I need to do is watch my mind.

There are so many of these opportunities every day. Take being woken by the phone at 6:30 a.m. on a Sunday morning. What would your mind do? Well, first of all, my mind had to disentangle the dream of my sleep and the dream of my waking. Then I had to stop it from falling into either the “poor me” trap or “how could she?” trap, either of which could set off a string of negative emotions. In other words, I had to watch my mind.

All day there are countless opportunities to observe the effects of the deep habit of believing in a self that does not actually exist. The bush flies, the mossies, the milk running out, the ache in my ear, the humidity, my body disintegrating towards the grave, the dog wanting a walk, my computer acquiring a virus, what to cook for tea. Any of these situations can trigger the non-existent self into action. Every big or little negative emotion we experience comes from believing this false self is real.

How dare “I” be disturbed? My peace and comfort should never be threatened. My needs are more important. This false self tells me it is all about “me” and “mine.” Every day, every moment we come across this insidious belief and its effects on our emotions. These are our own personalized teachings on emptiness.

Of course, in the end we have to retreat to a quiet place and meditate. Meditation, though, is not going to help if we have not had many opportunities to examine our minds. I might meditate on compassion for a month, but that is useful only if I become more compassionate as a result. I only know if I have become more compassionate by reflecting on my interactions with people around me. During one such retreat, the Gulf War started just after I entered and finished just before I came out. I was so overwhelmed by the horror that I ran back to my retreat hut. My compassion was still limited. To be compassionate, I have to watch my own mind, day in and day out. I have to be my own therapist.

That is why Buddhism is a psychology. Right from the start it is relevant to the petty or prominent difficulties in our lives, whether we are ordained or lay students, whether we are academic or emotional, whether we can attend teachings or not.

Ven. Chönyi Taylor is a registered Foundational Buddhism FPMT teacher and an elder for the Discovering Buddhism at Home Course. She is the author of Enough! A Buddhist Approach to Working with Addictive Patterns (Snow Lion, 2010) and has been published in Mandala, Buddhadharma, Dharma Vision and Sangha Magazine. She is a founding member and member of the training committee of the Australian Association of Buddhist Counsellors and Psychotherapists and an Honorary Lecturer in the Discipline of Psychiatry at Sydney University.